[Mb-hair] Re: Mb-hair Digest, Vol 5, Issue 5

[Corinne Broskette]

> thought this might cheer you all up a bit....
> Corinne
>  
>
>
>  
> If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those  
> responsible for killing  thousandsof innocent people in New York City  
> and Washington DC.
>
>
>
> But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track  
> down terrorists.
> You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
>
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>
> They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds 

> off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
> You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.
>
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>
> For starters:
<image.tiff>
> Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
>
> Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more 

> than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
<image.tiff>
> Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky  
> soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll  
> complain them into submission.
> "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
> "Where's the remote control?"
<image.tiff>
> An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war 

> until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, 

> on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time  
> he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60
> would do wonders for the old beer belly.
<image.tiff>
> An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
>
<image.tiff>
>
> Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
<image.tiff>
> If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd  
> probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial  
> number would be a real brainteaser.
>
> Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.
> We're used to getting screamed and yelled at
>
<image.tiff>
>
> and we actually like soft food.
> We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
>
<image.tiff><image.tiff>
>
> We like them almost better than naps.
<image.tiff>
> They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in  
> combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over  
> the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic  
> training.
> I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
>
> And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
> I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
<image.tiff>
> An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
> He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and 

> to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer  
> shorts sticking out.
> He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food  
> particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda  
> Accord can rupture an eardrum.
> All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more  
> about life before sending them off to possible death.
<image.tiff>
> Let us old guys track down those
> dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last 

> thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old 

> farts with attitudes.
<image.tiff>
> Share this with your senior friends
> (It's purposely in big type for us old guys)

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